Listening, the missing part of presenting?

Over the past five years - so much emphasis has gone into PRESENTATION tools - into speaking - that its easy to overlook LISTENING and the role listening plays. Yet, is it not what we're really aiming for in a presentation tool, one that allows you to ask questions, and revise your presentation on the fly? How would you know how to revise your presentation - unless there was listening? So listening is there - its just been overshadowed.

This became clear to me yesterday...

Yesterday I went to, David, my Sisters husband's Birthday party. It was out in Orillia at the marina where David has a boat moored.

There were too many people to all go to Big Chief Island in the boat so we mostly just gathered on the Dock and ate food and talked. Mildred, David's Mother arrived a bit into the festivities - I didn't notice her arrival - when I did see her she was standing there alone looking a bit lost. So I sidled up to her and she said that since she'd arrived her son had not said a word to her - or even looked her way. I could see that David was pretty busy with all the guests, some he'd not seen for a while - and on top of this he's been going through a major heath crisis. So I asked Mildred how her teeth were (I heard from my sister that she'd had a root canal earlier in the month). She told me how much major work she'd had over the last month - five or six visits - on top of her son's illness. One story rolled into the next, lots of wounds over the years, her experiences at David's childbirth. Stories with some lurking pain, but also teaching stories with something to learn in them. We sat together on the dock and mostly I just listened to them - with one or two comments in-between.

Three hours later we were parting and Mildred was not the same person that I first saw on that dock, she had opened up and when we said our goodby's she told the gathering that she'd hadn't met such a fine conversationalist in a long time. Caro winked at me, and I could see that David appreciated that someone had listened to his Mum.

I was alone on the ride back from Orillia, left to reflect on the day. It was just such a fine example of how listening can be a balm for wounds and conflict. Listening, real listening is a medicine each of us can offer.

Here's Stephan Covey saying much the same thing in his "Indian Talking Stick Technique".

Our words can be medicine, can provide clarity and empathy, as can listening. They seem to go hand in hand. Perhaps that's why when we've spoken to a group in a monlogue, and its not been participatory, or we've not really had a chance to actively listen to the group - we feel a vague unease - like half of the communication has been suspended - a feeling of incompleteness.

But its also true that when you've been part of a gathering and its been your turn to offer through words, if you've stepped back - this too has a feeling of incompleteness. Perhaps this is why dialogue and rapport are so satisfying human experiences.

Can we listen for cultural healing?